After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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