what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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