i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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