Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude. I can hear the air.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
