Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
