the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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