I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
