Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
a search helicopter?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
