The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
