Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
