Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
