Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
