oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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