It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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