omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
try to milk me bitch
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