when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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