I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
