I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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