i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
