he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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