I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
