Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
