i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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