I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
