hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
