i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
