Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
home. puking in laundry basket.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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