Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he thought i was a dude.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
