Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
