I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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