If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
