dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
