my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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