Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
