i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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