I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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