I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
