I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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