Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
