TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
