capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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