you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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