I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
