I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
