My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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