woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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