yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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