You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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