Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have post one night stand depression
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
