Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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