if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
